Lessons from the dog house
Here are three things I’ve learned from my dog, and three things I hope she’s learned from me. I’ll start with what I’ve learned from her.
It’s OK to love everyone. Best case scenario? You make all the friends. Worst case? They look mildly terrified and cross the street.
Not everyone will like you. Sometimes, a dog sniffs my dog’s butt and decides, “Hmmm… not for me.” And It’s not because her boobs are too small or she told too many dad jokes. Sometimes, people just doesn’t like the scent of your butt.
It’s OK to act like an idiot. In dog land, there is an actual condition where your tail wags all the time, in crazy inappropriate ways, at even the smallest excitement. You know what it’s called? Happy tail. Also, it’s OK to pee a little when you get excited. Sometimes it happens and most people are too polite to complain.
Pick your battles. One time, a little dog bit my dog in the face and she just looked at it. But sometimes she’ll get into an all-out teeth bared hullabaloo over a ball. She seems to be able to sense when a fight is worth it (and it usually has to do with something bigger being at stake, like protecting me). But even in her toughest fights, she doesn’t hold a grudge, and that makes all the difference.
Here are some things I hope my dog has learned from me:
Sharing a name with someone doesn’t meant they won’t break your heart. My dog is named after Walter Payton and while we love Sweetness to death, we still know it’s OK to put the Bears collar away mid season sometimes. Boundaries are important; it’s good to feel them out one day at a time.
Don’t lick your vagina in public. This seems self explanatory.
No licking in bed, either. Also no bones in bed. No balls in bed. Just no trying to play in bed, period. This subset of the rule applies to dogs only.
There is Someone looking out for you all the time. Sometimes, it’s hard to be on a leash or sit in time out. But there’s a reason you’re benched, and the treats and cuddles even it out in the end.